From First Contraction to First Embrace| Meet Madeleine & Estelle

From the moment I saw those two pink lines, I was excited for birth. Birth has fascinated me unlike anything else in this world and it felt like my entire life was leading up to this significant, divine transition into motherhood. 

It was mid-July, the night before my 28th birthday when my husband and I decided to order take out for what we thought would be a “chill” Friday evening. I knew labor was near due to the bloody show I experienced earlier that morning, followed by light cramping. Although I was excited, I didn't want to get my hopes up as those last few weeks of pregnancy can be a tough mental game. 

My husband plated our dinner as I made my way to the bathroom. As I stood up - fluids leaked down my legs. Butterflies filled my chest, knowing my baby was making her way earthside, and I was so excited for our journey together. My husband and I embraced -  laughing and crying - so excited to finally hold our daughter. We informed our birth team and settled into the last few moments of it just being the two of us. Music filled our home as I swayed, danced, meditated, and walked the stairs. They say the first thing you should do when you go into early labor is rest, but the excitement kept me moving. 

It was about 10 p.m., around five hours into labor, when something shifted. I thought to myself, "Isn't early labor supposed to be easier?” Once I felt a surge brewing, my heart rate would escalate, followed by body shakes. I was frustrated at my body, knowing I needed to melt into it yet feeling like I was being held back. Our doula recommended we head to the birthing center, and I bawled, knowing it was too early. After an hour of being monitored there, I was sent back home to labor. 

I spent the rest of the night enduring the contractions, working hard to soften. By daybreak, I was ready for a shift and stepped out for some fresh air. As the sunrays glistened on the morning dew, my husband held me through each wave. I sank into them while listening to the birds sing to each other. The trees were dancing so beautifully in the wind, and for a moment - it felt like mother nature was holding me, guiding me to my becoming. 

The intensity in my womb was building, and I knew I needed the toilet. I was fearful of this moment in labor, but the toilet and trashcan were exactly what I needed to keep going. At this point I had been laboring for over 12 hours. My body was exhausted, my mind was exhausted, and I couldn’t comprehend how much longer I could tolerate this. “The epidural makes so much sense”, a fleeting thought I had as I couldn’t comprehend how I’d be able to labor much longer.  Around 8 a.m., the midwife called to check on me. With my mom timing the contractions and my husband on round the clock hip squeezes, it was time to head back to the birthing center. I've heard the car ride is the worst part during active labor, but I praised God that it was soothing. In between contractions, I drifted in and out of sleep. 

We arrived at our birthing suite around 9 a.m. and I knew exactly where I wanted to labor - the shower. With my arms draped over the birthing ball, the hot waterfall shower running directly on my lower back, I settled into a groove. The surges were powerful, and I drifted off to laborland to welcome them. Laborland was serene. The surge would end and somehow, I was at the beach. I could feel the warm sand as the sound of the waves tickled my brain, and the rays of the sun filled my pores. The next two and a half hours were spent in that exact position. 

Time feels absent during active labor and next thing I know, I was ripped from my laborland dream by the most overwhelming pressure in my pelvic floor. Up until this moment, I thought I was coping well. Not knowing what to do with this powerful, intense pressure in my body, I wept. And I wept. And I kept weeping, and I could not stop. During that cry, my body released the fears I had about what was to come. It was the most relieving cry I have ever experienced and to this day, I miss it. While leaning over the shower wall weeping, my mother came up close to me and put her hand on the back of my neck. My body was in such a vulnerable place, her touch alone comforted me. It was almost as if my body hadn't been that vulnerable since I was her infant, and her touch was the only thing to soothe me. 

As I was unknowingly approaching transition, the doubt set in. “I don't know if I can do this.” “I am so tired.” “Am I going to have a baby today?” Voicing these fears was a cue for my birth team to get out the birth affirmations. My mother and best friend stood together with the binder, taking turns speaking life over me. “I inhale my power, I exhale my fear”, “I open and release my baby”, “My body knows what to do. I trust her. I follow her.” Hearing the voices of two of the women that I love most in life edifying me during this pivotal moment motivated me more than words can describe. I felt a veil of strength drift over me, and I was ready for the next stage. 

As I settled into the birthing tub, I knew it was time to surrender. The intense force within me wanted out. My breath grew louder, my moans deeper, and my body fully opened. One of my biggest fears during birth was tearing, and when I heard the midwife say “You’re at a 10, when you’re ready, you can start pushing”, it was the reassurance I needed to surrender to my body’s urge to bear down. After a few contractions, I talked to my baby, reassuring her that we were almost there. 

After 21 and a half hours of labor and just over two hours of pushing, I felt my daughter's head. Stillness filled the room as I connected with my body deeper than ever before. Embracing the feeling of being stretched to my fullest capacity, her head fully crowned. With one final push, she entered the world into her daddy’s loving hands before he gently placed her on my chest.

I have never prepared for anything in my life the way I deeply prepared for the birth of my daughter. It was the most exhausting and thrilling experience that led to the greatest reward, and most precious birthday gift. 

A woman’s intuition is a powerful, spiritual thing. I felt grounded in my Creator, who divinely designed my body to conceive, grow, and birth the soul my husband and I were gifted. 

The work it took — mentally, physically, and spiritually — truly changed my life, and I will forever cherish every moment of it.